Now I know this sounds odd, but let me explain.

Two days ago my car was broken into. My car was parked on a residential street no more than a block away from my house, in front of a large building that just so happens to be an insurance company.

And yet, sometime during the afternoon someone was able to break into my car, break off the plastic ignition cover, attempt to steal my car, rummage through my trunk and walk away with five cds, pens, and lotion without one employee or passerby noticing.

See that cute little picture above ^^. That’s my neighborhood.

One of the few, cookie-cutter, family friendly, super safe neighborhoods in LA. To me, this break-in doesn’t make sense.

What also doesn’t make sense is why it is in EVERY guy’s nature to be the first one who fixes something?

When I first got into my car and realized it had been vandalized I called my boyfriend to tell him what had happened. As I was doing so, I tried to start my car and it wouldn’t start.  The key went in but you couldn’t turn it any which way no matter how hard you tried.

So my boyfriend, Kenny, came out to take a look. I called the cops. While we wait for the cops he tries relentlessly to fix the problem and start the car.

The cops come and we give them the low-down, they basically say it’s a lost cause, but here is your claim number to file with your insurance company seeing as how you will undoubtedly be needing their assistance to pay for the damage.

Kenny keeps trying to start the car. I call my dad. We figure out that I have free towing through my insurance.

Tow my car to the nearest dealership before they close. This is what I need to do.

Kenny tells me to wait and call our friend Simon instead who works on cars. He calls Simon. Simon comes. Simon looks at the car. Simon cant start the car.

Kenny tries again. Simon tries again. Kenny and Simon try together. My car does not start.

Now at this point it is nearing 7:45 and the only dealership open closes at 9. I am ready to call the tow truck, I‘ve been ready to call the tow truck. I cant risk not making it because my car also wont lock at this point so I cant leave it on the streets.

But we hold off for Simon to try a couple more things..

– Simon closes all my doors, locks them, and then unlocks them so the car thinks it has just been opened

– Simon disconnects my battery to recharge some “ –noid”  thing that perhaps will reset the antitheft lock

– Simon fishes around with some wires/gadgets above my ignition to try and start it

– Simon tries to put my car in neutral

– Simon at some point has a wrench and is doing something under my hood

Its 8:05. Having had enough of all this macho nonsense, I call the tow truck. They tell me it is going to be 30 minutes (in my head I’m planning what to do with my car when we don’t make it).

The tow truck arrives and it is 8:40. The guy gets out and he looks like a much thinner version of “The Heavy” on Team Fortress 2.

Screen shot 2012-08-30 at 9.08.22 AM

I mean, he at least has the same accent.  Anyways, he asks what the problem is and Simon and Kenny explain in some code-man talk what they believe to be the problem. The guy hands me a clipboard and asks me to fill out my information.

I fill it out, look up and, what do you know, he is in my car trying to start it.

“Uh…Sir, the only thing is that I need to get my car to the dealership before 9 so I’d really rather just tow it”

He looks at me, clearly annoyed, turns back to my car and tries to put it into neutral.

“Did you explain what the problem was when you called in?,” he asks.

“Uh, yes sir?”

“And they sent a flat bed truck?!,” he says with disdain.

“Well, I didn’t actually call the towing company, I called USAA and they handled it but…”

He cuts me off to walk to his car and get his phone. Simon gets back in the car and tries to put it in neutral…again. Simon leaves the car to get yet another fancy tool from his car.

The guy comes back and is talking in a foreign language to a buddy. He gets in my car and tries to start it FUCKING AGAIN.

Simon comes back and uses said fancy tool to FINALLY get my car in neutral, both of them are in the front seat.

“Oh! Sir! Its in neutral, can we go now? Its getting really close to 9. Again…I cant leave my car here you see because…”

Again, he cuts me off and walks back to his car. He comes back with a huge iron pole/hatchet-like object – still on his cell phone – gets in my car, calls for Simon. Simon gets in the car and points out that the car is in neutral.

The guy ignores him. Instead, he tells Simon to push when he tells him to.

He simply says “ready” and then him and Simon push this huge iron pole/hachet-like object into the keyhole of my ignition and turn. My car turns on.

Simon and him share a moment. Simon and him get out of the car and in my head I see all three guys giving high-fives and slapping each other’s asses.

“There you go,” he says.

“Uhh…ok. Is it going to be able to start again though?”

“Well no, but now you can drive to the dealership by yourself,” he says.

It is 8:48. I grab Kenny’s phone (mine is dead) look up the directions and tell him it would be nice if he could pick me up from the dealership.

I hurry off, speeding to the dealership, slightly concerned that Timmy (Yes, I call my car Timmy) might not make it due to the ghetto manner in which he has been started.

I get to the dealership and Kenny is already there thanks to his super fast, fancy beemer.